Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize