12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
