just come out here and I will go home with you...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
