Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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