I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
