College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need moral support for this bender
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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