This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize