I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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