i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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