im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
