i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
