how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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