It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
