either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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