If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
