THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
