i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've blown a few things in my day
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
