just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
