well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
