This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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