I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
