i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
