you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
