If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
