Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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