Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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