In the future we'll all be gay
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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