YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
