Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
