Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
