take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
