i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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