My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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