We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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