Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
