eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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