for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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