I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
where are my eyebrows?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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