Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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