i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
