she woke up with a sticky ear
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
