I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i think i just lost a toe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
