he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
