You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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