Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
