these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
