Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
