Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
