I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize