I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
