Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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