I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize