i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
