billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize