JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
