i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
