Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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