but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
