Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
