Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
