Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
