i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's Friday. Sex?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
