my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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