Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
