i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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