There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
