evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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