The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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