I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
